ISSUES TO SOLVE WHEN TWO AUTISTIC PERSONS GET MARRIED
There are already several known cases of autistic individuals being happily married to neurotypical partners and are now living happily together with their own children to raise. It may not occur normal to you, but this type of marriage is not something that only happens in movies or in a contrived situation. There are two main variables for this type of marriage to happen and it’s either the couple already knew that one of them is autistic before the marriage, or they only discovered that one of them is autistic after the marriage. Regardless of this fact, there shouldn’t be too many questions regarding how this happens because just like typical individuals, autistic people have the same capacity to love another human being and the same desire to spend a lifetime with them. As long as the married couple is living a peaceful and contented life as a family, there shouldn’t be any problem with that.
If you are diagnosed with high-functioning autism or Asperger’s, you must never feel discouraged of the thought that finding a neurotypical partner would not be easy and marriage is something that is out of your grasp. Always be reminded that love knows no bounds, and anyone could end up getting married to somebody when the right feeling is felt at the right time. It is also not good to limit yourself to marrying neurotypical partners because marital union between two autistic individuals also happen in many instances. There are several reasons why autistic people end up with another autistic partner, one is the natural feeling of attraction that also sets into motion on normal people. It may be that through dating, they both develop romantic feelings and realize that they like each other. The other reason could be that autistic people do not really want to marry a neurotypical partner because they feel they will be out of place and alienated in the relationship, fearing that their social challenges may get the better of them. Lastly, there are those autistic people whose minds are already fixed in finding a partner with the same condition as them, believing that such partners are the only ones who can completely understand themselves and address their needs.
Marriage between two autistic individuals have their own advantages and disadvantages, some of which can be similar to what other couples face, and many others clearly unique to their own case. If you’re autistic and you prefer dating and possibly marrying another autistic person, perhaps this guide below will help you adjust properly to future marital issues with your partner, and hopefully foster your marriage with happiness and contentment.
Trouble With Decision-Making
A lasting romantic relationship can most likely lead to marriage plans in the future, and when this finally happens, bigger decisions will greet the planning couple. Talks about transferring to a new home, living together as husband and wife, and raising children are some of the most challenging topics to discuss for planning couples, not only those with autistic disorder but even neurotypical ones. However, it is usually tougher for autistic couples to make the necessary decisions especially when both of them lack judgment and perspective. Decisions as big as these can easily overwhelm autistic couple which can turn into marriage disputes and misunderstanding. If you’re already arguing because you can’t decide what to do or where to go on the holidays, it could get worse when it comes to making financial decisions.
The best solution for this is to have at least one of you play the leader who gets the final say and takes initiative. It may be necessary to boost the level of critical thinking and confidence of the “authoritarian” to end up with sound and unified decisions even under pressure. While it is not really healthy for a relationship to have only one party having the final say on almost everything, an autistic couple who are both reluctant in decision-making needs this type of setting.
Problems on Adapting to Changes
It is to your benefit that you know how autism affects your partner which explains why they do what they do or behave the way they behave. Being an autistic person yourself can easily help you understand each other’s condition and boost each other’s trust. However, making compromises may be extremely difficult when you’re challenged to alter the habits or routines you’ve developed since childhood. There are situations when your behaviours or patterned actions become offensive to your partner’s sensory sensitivities when it creates noise or other sensory input, and it could go both ways. To avoid fights and disagreements, either one or both of you should be open enough to certain changes and be willing to compromise for the sake of the other. You can go on a couple’s therapy to learn more about what you could do to solve this issue. Trying out with small and gradual changes can also help a lot in improving your ability to adapt to bigger changes in the future.
The Need to Follow Routines Persists
Even in adults with high-functioning autism or Asperger’s, completely discontinuing a long-followed routine may be impossible to do. When getting married, it would be extremely hard to welcome all routine activities from both parties without getting in some sort of a fight or clash. Some of your routines may not become compatible when you live under the roof of either partner’s existing residence. The wife may move into her husband’s house, but finds the place very unaccommodating for her own routine or needs. This type of situation can also go vice-versa, and it will only be a matter of time before both sides start to push their own needs.
To resolve this issue, autistic couples are advised to live in a new home that they’ve surveyed and chosen following a mutual agreement. Make sure that when choosing a new home, both of your routines are being accommodated to avoid getting into disputes on routine-involved matters such as this.